A feminist I am not. A lady I am not (my poor husband). And THAT GIRL I certainly am not.
I think most women will understand what I mean when I say- “that girl”. A broad category for sure- but you know it when you see it. It’s a strange cocktail of attention thirsty, can’t leave his side, idolizing, insecure, or controlling girls. UGH, they are exhausting- and if my deduction skills are working, I’d say they are exhausted as well.
This is not a woman hating post. This is a newsflash.
I think men should be chivalrous. Because it’s nice. Not because I can’t open that door myself, or need you to pull my chair out for me- but because it shows a certain level of respect. It separates men from boys, and friends from lovers. You may wonder how I went from that girl to chivalry- really guys, it’s all tied together-I swear.
You see, I think as a whole in society women have wanted their independence so bad- gotten it (go us!) but then desperately wanted to be treated like a woman still. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this. However, I think we have communicated one thing, and wanted another. We say; “I got this”- but then get mad when men don’t say; “Let me” (guilty-like caught red handed guilty). You teach people how they can treat you- and when men treat women independently (as they thought we wanted and as we do most times) we feel they aren’t trying hard enough. Why not just say; “Hey- don’t treat me like a child, but treat me with respect.” Disclaimer: I am not saying this is the root of all relationship problems, or that men do/don’t try hard enough (It could be women too!). These two themes have just come up a lot in my life lately, and I think in a way they relate. In how women have expectations, but then don’t stick to their own standards and get upset when things don’t turn out.
I read a really great article last week by John Picciuto (which you should go read- here) but one point he touched on was about how women need to start voicing their needs and not settling when they aren’t met. Grant it, I won’t call myself any kind of relationship guru. I will say I know what I want in relationships (not just romantically), and I am stubborn enough to not settle. I think the love, intensity, and care I offer into a relationship should be matched by the other person- a cycle of trying to outdo one another in kindness. I also think most people will rise to the occasion. But if women are willing to settle because all men are the same, or they’re told they are too picky, or that only happens in fairy tales (not that those aren’t real problems too)- but ignoring the little desires they have (i.e. romance, chivalry, or even textbook respect), and settling for the scraps- that is exactly what we will get.
I read a quote the other day that said; “A bitter woman says; ‘All men are the same’. A wise woman decides to stop chasing the same type of men”. I’m not sure who this is attributed to- but I want to fist bump with them (also, I really hope it was a woman- because that means at least one of us got it!). But seriously, I think so much would change in so many people’s dating lives if we stopped accepting things we didn’t think were good enough (men & women alike). If anyone hasn’t seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower yet, go see it immediately (theme of the movie: “We accept the love we think we deserve”). So get real with yourself for five minutes and stop staying in dead end relationships. Stop being that girl that is so thirsty to have a relationship she’ll take anything- instead of the best- or working for it for that matter.